![]() Songbird's powder keg is the grandma delivering a cough that will be studied at Juilliard someday. Goth Archie plays Nico, a munie courier who's trying to score some of those bands to put on his girlfriend and her grandmother. As we hear in the mandatory, opening-credits voiceover of news bites, "It's the end of the world, bro!" If you fail? Well, fuck, the Sanitation Department ( Songbird's villainous organization, of course ) will pick your ass up and drop you in the Q Zone, which looks like District 9 for coronavirus patients. You have to take a selfie every morning, which will, somehow, tell you if you're sick or not. Unless you're a munie (□), meaning you're immune to the virus and you wear a special band that says so. First up: The virus is so bad that you can't really leave your home. It's where we fully enter pandemic fan-fiction territory. ![]() Before any of it will make sense, though, unfortunately, you need to know the rules 0f Songbird's mutated-on-mutated-on-mutated COVID world. This is the point where I tell you what Songbird is about. Drunk off its ass, a health hazard to even look at, physically painful to sit in for over 15 minutes, but hey, the first one in a future full of 'em. (In high school, I cheated off two guys, Frank and Gage, mashing their answers together-called them Frage-so the teacher wouldn't catch on.) But Songbird, the Michael Bay-produced thriller, which imagines a world where COVID-19 has mutated four times over four years (COVID-23!), must be the Model T of pandemic movies. The Book of Henry Is the Best Worst Movie of 2017Īgain, don't know much about American history.The Godfather Part III Really Isn't That Bad.Riding a Model T to the top hat store must've been the equivalent of smoking a pack of cigs. Strapped a blast furnace on an Oregon Trail buggy and called it a day. Did you know that a car could look like it was terminally celebrating its 21st birthday? Another one. I know little about American history, and far, far less about cars, but I'm sure that when Henry Ford made the Model T, it was a busted piece of garbage.
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